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Welcome to
Around the League 

Paul Lander, Managing Editor

We make snap judgements on the latest headlines from around the web so you don't have to.  
(And we even include links on the off chance you're actually interested in reading the articles.)



Willie Nelson Cancels Concert, Suffering 'Breathing Problems'
Sounds like a case of Bong-chitis

 

 

World may be forced to go vegetarian by 2050, scientists say
Call me an optimist but I think enough people will die from obesity, stroke and heart disease to stop that from ever happening.

 

 

Fifty Shades' author visiting cities in her books
It's already tough to get interviews cause she's gonna be all tied up

 

 

World's Shortest Man and Woman Meet for a Photo Shoot
Here's hoping they hit off and each got a little

 

 

French court decision on topless Princess Kate photos due Tuesday
My hunch is they're gonna like them.


 

Bigfoot hoax turns deadly: Montana man dressed as Sasquatch to provoke sightings struck and killed by car
Man, I hope there are some real Sasquatch laughing their asses off.

 

 

Ron Paul on Romney: ‘I don’t fully endorse him for president’
Romney must be thinking, "we got him out of the coma to say this?"

 

 

Prince Harry to face wrath of Queen when he returns to England after naked photos from Vegas strip-pool romp surface
While it’s just fine with a whole lot of other Queens

 

 
Gay bathhouse in Tampa welcomes RNC members for free
They plan on earning their money the old fashioned way… bribery and extoration.

 

Ukraine wants to ban SpongeBob SquarePants, says it promotes homosexuality
In the Ukraine, he's known as SpongeBob SkinnyJeans

 

 

Whale that inspired Raffi's 'Baby Beluga' dies
An entire generation spent the day blubbering

 

 

Porn star Jenna Jameson back Mitt Romney
Even when it comes to politics, there's a woman who will swallow anything.


 

Human Culture May Date Back 44,000 Years
Seems they found clips from the first year of Live with Regis Philbin and Nea Anderthal

 

 

Herman Cain says he would have a ‘substantial lead’ over Obama
Dude, stop eating those pizza with the magic mushrooms

 

 

LG releases 'world's largest' ultra-definition TV
Not only can you watch porn but check the actors for ovarian and prostrate problems

 

 

Baseball’s unofficial 500,000th error could occur this weekend
No word yet if the Padres uniforms from the seventies count in that number.

 

 

Jeremy Lin still crashing on teammates couches
After signing that huge contract, somebody just crossed the line from cute to cheap bastard

 

 

Jenna Jameson pleads not guilty to DUI charges
Because no way she could ever plead innocence

 

 

Nerve-deadening devices impress EU heart doctors
Thank god there's a positive use for people watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians

 

 

Perfectly preserved Wooly Mammoth discovered
The real question is did they poke him with a stick or just let NJ Gov Chris Christie sleep

 

 

 

Romney makes a birther joke in Michigan: ‘No one has ever asked to see my birth certificate’
Nope, you just use your passport when you go overseas to visit your money.


 

Trump to have 'major role' at GOP convention, aide claims
Probably checking for Birth Certificates at the door


 

Levi Johnston Sues Bristol Palin For Full Custody Of Their Son Tripp – Claims She Is An Unfit Mother
This is a case where Solomon would have had the parents split in half.


 

‎ ‎Elton John Slams Madonna: 'Her Career Is Over,' She's A "Fairground Stripper"'
Lady GaGa's happy that she can get work at Madonna's age.


 
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