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1,000 Years of Darkness Will Cover the Earth if You Don't Vote for Mitt Romney
by Frank Lee Speaking   
I could probably think of 100 different reasons to vote for Obama over Romney. From taxes to foreign policy to healthcare to education to the social safety net to immigration reform to equal rights to energy and the environment, Obama's policies align much more closely with the values I wish to live by.  In fact there's only one reason I can think of to vote for Mitt Romney over Obama, but it's such a powerful reason that it's hard to ignore.

No, it has nothing to do with Obama being an elitist black Muslim socialist communist fascist Nazi who was born in Kenya and/or the Phillipines, and therefore cannot legally be President. In fact it really has nothing to do with Obama at all. Or Romney either for that matter. It has to do with someone much more powerful than both of them (not to mention everyone else on the planet) combined: Chuck Norris. 

I used to think that Chuck Norris represented everything that was good, righteous, and awesome in this world, but now I'm not entirely sure, for in a recent spot endorsing Mitt Romney, Chuck Norris issues a dire warning for America: vote for Barack Obama, and Chuck Norris has promised to rain down 1,000 years of darkness over the entire planet.  It is not for us mortals to question Chuck Norris, so I cannot say why he would do such a thing, though I'm sure he has his reasons. But if Chuck Norris is going to force me to choose between more progressive policies and 1,000 years of darkness, I'm going to have to vote for Mitt Romney. 
 


 
Slurve Magazine (c) 2010

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