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Romney Pledges to Rename Labor Day
by Frank Lee Speaking   
In an impromptu speech given to a few select wealthy donors aboard Spirit of the Caymans, one of several yachts in his collection, Mitt Romney pledged that if elected, one of his first executive orders would be to rename Labor Day. "Labor is great," he was heard saying as he toasted the crowd of multi-millionaires in his blue-and-whites, Champagne glass raised high, "especially when somebody else is doing it. Am I right?" 

Romney receieved a haughty chuckle from a number of his guests before continuing; "Seriously though folks, I don't think capital gets enough credit. After all, all those laborers' labor wouldn't be worth a dime if it wasn't for us job creators spreading around our capital and giving them work. And what are they working for, if not to acquire a little capital of their own? A little slice of the American Dream. Maybe one day a few of them will even be standing here with us, and I aim to give them that opportunity...to fill our Champange glasses and serve us hors d'ourves. I therefore pledge that once I take office, Labor Day shall henceforth be known as Capital Day." Many of the guests were heard to shout "Here here!" before swilling their Champagne and sticking tiny little spoons full of caviar in their mouths. 
 
Slurve Magazine (c) 2010

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